For those of you who are curious how I did today, and don't want to read
this whole post, click here and choose "Women's
Ind. Recurve - St Ranking Round" for a listing of results. ;)

This morning when I walked onto the Qualifying Field, I had a serious case
of deja vu. I am not exaggerating when I say it felt exactly like the
ranking day four years ago in Athens, where I set a World Record with my
Chinese friend and rival, Wang Yanhong. Mist permeated every square inch of
air, leaving thick drops of condensation wherever it could. The targets were
bright points of light in the muted colors of the morning, and everything
felt supremely calm. The temperature hovered between barely chill and barely
warm. Except for the annoying music and the fact that I was in a great mood,
I might as well have been in a sensory deprivation chamber.

You'd think all this would be a good thing, but our brains tend to do
strange things when it comes to pressure. I did my best at "staying out of
my own way" as one sports psychologist once put it... but it's such a
delicate balance of staying focused and deciding to make the shot and not
thinking and not feeling anything but calm, wordless confidence. It's like
trying to juggle knives while looking at the blades out of the corner of
your eye and at the same time, convincing yourself that these aren't sharp
and you're not really juggling them, anyway, so what does it matter? For 72
arrows, I carefully acknowledged the great shots, did a good job of
forgetting the not-great shots, and pointedly didn't think to long or deeply
about the positive self-talk that I was giving myself. I did all of this and
more when I was in Athens, and I did it by accident. It's called being in
the Zone, and it's best when it happens naturally like in 04--not when you
try and invoke it like I did today.

So, despite some stellar practice rounds, my groups opened right up during
scoring and I had a hard time regaining my footing. I had some great ends
and one really poor one, but in the end I'm happy with myself because I had
great form, I had only six letdowns the entire session, and every arrow made
it from my quiver into the target in plenty of time. That one bad end, I let
my focus waver and thought I was going under again, facing target panic and
letdowns and and... Stop, I told myself, just stop it. I need you
to focus. And I did. I put on some Nine Inch Nails and shut out
the world and focused on every great shot I've ever taken. I got angry, I
got motivated, and I had them all in the gold the end directly after that.
Then I went back to normal, but I'll tell you--I am very proud of pulling
myself together like I did. It had the potential to be a LOT worse, and
instead, I not only got rid of the negativity, I took it into my own hands
and forced it to be positive for me. That was the real victory today.

All in all, I shot the way I thought I might--kind of average. I ended up
scoring a 490, which is definitely not stellar (for perspective, my World
Record in Athens was 603.) But it's still about 70 points better than my
aforementioned Chinese friend--who placed last.

I placed 12th out of 20 in my division, which actually somehow gives me the
very best placing for the match-up of elimination rounds. Usually, the
person who does best in the Qualifying Round gets to shoot against the
person who placed last, and second place goes against second-to-last, and so
on. Somehow, I managed to get the easiest match on the field--and while I
feel especially lucky for it, I wish it had turned out differently.

Tomorrow at 2:30pm, I shoot against my Chinese
friend and rival, the lady who took gold four years ago and who has fallen
so far as to place absolute last, even with a homecourt advantage. I will
crush her. There is very little doubt about that in my mind. I just wish
it wasn't her that I had to crush.

Ah, well. Sport can be just as cruel as it is glorious. My friend at least
had the honor of taking up the Paralympic Flag at the Opening Ceremonies.
She's always smiling, and to be honest I think she's come to terms with the
fact she's not shooting well. When it comes to the match, I'm not going to
worry about her at all. She is a woman grown, with children of her own and a
family to support her. She has a gold medal, and nobody can ever take that
away from her, certainly not me. Archery is an individual sport in so many
ways. True, I don't have to worry about my teammate's performance affecting
my own. But I also don't really have to worry about my competitor's, either.
There is no other person on that field who can directly affect my chances at
shooting the best scores in the world--just me.


~


"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful
than the risk it took to blossom."
Anais Nin


~

I had a really rough practice today. I'm not sure if it's the constant
pushing in the chair, or all the sneezing from the first couple days as
caught up with me, or if the firm beds are doing a number on my back, but
for no apparent reason today, my ribs popped. The pain was sharp, acutely
persistent, and I was gasping half the morning during practice. Talk about
annoying!

The good news is that it doesn't bother me much while I'm shooting,
since all the muscles are tightened down and stabilized. But every other
motion I make for the rest of the day is pretty darn ouchie. I'm doing
everything I can to heal it the same way that I was working on my
forearm--taking it easy, warming up and stretching before activity, icing
afterwards, electrostimulation, anti-inflamatories (the good stuff, of
course), and some Reiki. It's just a lot at once and historically this sort
of thing takes weeks to heal. I'm competing on Tuesday.

Ah, well. Nothing else to be done about it--although I'd surely appreciate
every happy thought, prayer, and good vibe that y'all feel up to sending my
way!

In other news, tonight is Opening Ceremonies. No injury or amount of pain
can dampen my enthusiasm for that wonderful, awe-inspiring, life-changing,
dream-affirming event. Honestly, I think the moment of walking into the
stadium in Athens moved me so much, and made such an incredible impact on my
life that I'm pretty certain it has been the driving factor in getting me
through the last four years. Now, tonight, I will be walking into that
stadium with dozens of new friends who are on their own first Games,
and it will be such a tremendous joy to see them witness that great moment.

Isn't it incredible, how many highs and lows these Games bring? The Olympic
movement brings us face to face with some of the worst personal moments in
our lives, and some of the greatest for humanity. As I walk into that
stadium tonight, as I hear the cheers vibrating in every cell of my body,
every spark of energy in my being, I will give thanks that I am human. I
will be proud of us all.

"The Olympics remain the most compelling search for excellence that exists
in sport, and maybe in life itself."
Dawn Fraser,
Australian athlete, b. 1937

I don't have much time for a post since my luggage is all packed and the last item to go inside is this very laptop, so I shall try to be brief.

Today was less hectic, though we spent it all in the LONGEST meeting ever, haha. At least it was all interesting content and we were able to take lots of tiny breaks. They brought up three panelists to talk about their different Paralympic experiences. We had a lesson in basic Chinese language and etiquette. We had a briefing on personnel and Village etceteras. We had some brief media training. Took individual and team photos and signed miles of posters. I've lost track of all the odds and ends we covered today.

We're all packed up (except for me, of course) and I'm a little vague on the timing, but the gear needs to be up at Athlete check-in soon to be shipped off to Denver ahead of us. Then sometime this evening we go down to the cafeteria for breakfast, and then start our day of travel through the night. Or something. I think our flight from Denver to San Fran is at six in the morning? I forget. Honestly, my plan is to sleep whenever and wherever I can, because once we're on the flight to China we're going to be genuinely awake and trying to adjust to China time. I'm trying not to think about it because if I did I'd get hopelessly confused and they've paid for more intelligent people than I to go over these details and plan our logistics. So I'll trust them instead and do as I'm told. :)

I was really inspired by some of the stories the panelists told, and hopefully I'll be able to go over the details soon, since I took notes, and a couple photos... but for now, I'll leave you with a poem that John, the lead speaker whose name I cannot remember, finished with.

---

If
by Rudyard Kipling
circa 1895


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Woman, my daughter,
and a Man, my son!


(final lines adapted by speaker)

Last night my friends gave me a surprise chocolate cake with Good Luck written on top, as well as a large card with a Chinese dragon which they had all signed. I was totally touched by the gesture and rejoiced in having a perfectly good excuse to to each chocolate cake for breakfast!

Which is what I did this morning, and had a fabulous practice. Dad set up the big traffic light on a timer, which is all part of the lighting system the Texas State Archery Association uses at tournaments. He set it on the ground lengthways, about 10m in front of me, and we practiced doing the alternating arrows system that they will use in Beijing, complete with flashing lights and beeping. I visualized the stadium that we saw in videos from the Olympics, and he played George Tech (making announcements). Here's an abbreviated version of what it will probably sound like in Beijing. Two whistles (or beeps, as the case may be) signal the archers to come to the line. One beep signals that the next archer may shoot. Three signal the end of shooting. The announcer typically talks right up to the point of the archer releasing the arrow, which can be a little nerve-wracking if you don't practice it.

Beep, beep! Archers to the line.
Beep! Chinese archer Chang Lin shoots first... A seven!
Beep! Carmichael is up... and she follows with an eight! Possibly a line-cutter nine, too close to call.
Beep! Chang Lin hesitates, what will she do? A nine, ladies and gentlemen! Fine shooting, from one of China's best.
Beep! Carmichael shoots a nine. That brings her total score to 17 points, possibly 18.
Beep! Chang Lin shoots a bull's-eye ten! Excellent shot!
Beep! Carmichael pulls through the clicker! She lets down, starts over. She needs a nine to tie, ten for the lead. Will she have the concentration to---TEN! Ladies and gentlemen, what a shot!
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
That takes us into our break with Carmichael in the lead at 27 points, and Chang Lin trailing by one point.

We practiced several scenarios--me trailing my opponent, my opponent having a breakdown, and of course lots of high-pressure ties and shootoffs. It was very good practice, helped me get my head in the right spot. I have to go in to work today, a wine tasting at one of the Sun Harvest Grocers, but I think this was the highlight of my day. The last end I was getting a little shaky, and I could have cinched the match if I'd shot a nine. The final shot felt pretty good, with good alignment and timing that could have been better. I ended up with an eight.

And you know something? I think that if I'd been on the field in China in that scenario, an eight when I needed a nine, a good shot instead of an incredible one... I think there would have been tears, but also pride and acceptance. I am entirely serious when I say that as long as I shoot good shots and do my best, I will be happy with my performance--whether it brings me nothing or it brings me gold. The things I have earned for myself, the mental strength, the experiences, the lessons... everything along this path has more value than any shiny metal disc. (Of course, the shiny dics come with a cool ring of jade inlaid into the back. I know silver has green jade... and gold gets white jade. How sweet is that???) But the point is that I've already won, in a way. And it's not the kind of reward anyone can ever take away from me.

I'm not packed. My bows still need minor tuning. I'm not even sure where my passport is. But I am ready. Seven days left.

"The most important thing in the Games is not to win but to take part.
Similarly, the most important thing in life is not to triumph but to struggle.
The essential thing is not to conquer but to have fought well."

Pierre Frédy, Baron de Coubertin, founder of the modern Olympic movement